Manic March

Blimey, where is the time going? It's now three months since I got engaged and my feet have barely touched the ground since it happened.

I seem to spend every spare minute searching for various bits and pieces on the internet, and then phoning my mum and explaining what I've found. She's coming to see me this weekend, so we'll be able to actually have a face to face chat and sort some stuff out.

My mum is a staggeringly creative woman. She is Chair of the village Flower Club, and does more crafts than you can shake a stick at. Mercifully we see eye to eye on the sort of flowers and foliage we want to use in the church, so that's taken care of - she's also sorted me out with someone to make my bouquet as that's something she won't tackle herself.

Currently we're deciding what to do for table centres. Yes, three and a bit months ago my life chugged along quite nicely without centrepieces for receptions ever troubling me - but now it seems to dominate quite a lot of my private thinking time. As we're having a winter wedding, flowers will be a bit thin on the ground, and those that get imported will be quite expensive. Also we are only allowed access to our venue at midday on the day we get married - which leaves us with very little setting-up time. We have to think of something we can make up in advance and then have plonked on the tables in record time.

I have now booked a photographer - many thanks to Glenn who posted some advice on this blog which really helped firm up that decision. It's funny how satisfying it is to cross things off your list - even for someone as disorganised as me.

What's surprised me about this whole planning process, is the fact that the wedding you had in your head before you were proposed to, bears very little resemblance to the one that you actually start planning. Or is that just me? When getting married was an abstract thing, the big day was just that - big. It was a crazy mish mash of ideas that was something between the stylish affairs of my friends and that of Alexis Colby Carrington Dexter's third marriage on Dynasty. As it stands right now the day will be quite low key and simple - much as I loved Alexis, those lavish weddings didn't lead to lasting love...

The choice of reason...

I am currently in decision-making hell, and it's causing me so much grief, that I'm now even questioning previous decisions I was happy with.

I hold my hand up and admit I have a bit of a problem with 'over-thinking,' but when you end up wailing to your co-host: 'I'm going to have a rubbish wedding...nothing's going to be OK...sob...I'll probably end up looking like Baldrick in a dress....sob...' It's probably time to take a step back.

Let me start at the very beginning (which as Dame Julie insists, 'is a very good place to start.'), I went home to see my parents this weekend and met with two photographers. One was a fabulous man for whom nothing was too much trouble. Damian and I both liked him and his pictures. We then went and met another man, whose photos are more expensive, but some of them hit the spot with me. We liked him, but maybe not as much as the first man. I now can't decide which photographer to have, and this indecision is now infectious.

Then my housemate (and newsreader on the show) let me see some pictures of a gorgeous wedding he'd been to at the weekend. The venue was stunning, the bride was stunning, the dress was stunning, the table were stu...look, you get the general idea. Suddenly I was completely overwhelmed with how fabulous everything was, and sobbed like a baby. Cue my co-host Jez to run over and put his arm around me as I started babbling about Baldrick.

You see that stunning wedding made me realise that my slightly haphazard approach to planning is going to result in a less than polished result. I am now questioning everything from my venue choice, to my invitations. I really don't feel up to the job - is this normal?!